It doesn’t take a whole lot to knock me off my stride. As I’ve gotten older it has become increasingly difficult for me to cope with what I imagine “normal” folks would consider minor annoyances or inconveniences. It’s like I don’t have an emotional buffer zone. Things tend to get straight to my core, for lack of a better term.
For the past couple of weeks I’ve felt really good. The antidepressants probably play a part as has my recommitment to recovery from substance abuse. Additionally I’m getting some long overdue medical care, and that is bound to be helping me psychologically. Today, though, with my dog not feeling well, I’ve more or less been at a standstill.
I’m not sure worry is the right term. I know concern isn’t. It’s like I’m preoccupied or maybe fixated with her. It’s doubtful, I think, that she’s especially sick. She just had blood work a couple weeks ago and she doesn’t seem to be at death’s door. She just doesn’t feel well. Until she starts to eat again, it’ll be at the forefront of my conscious mind.
Oddly, and perhaps perversely, my grandmother hasn’t felt well for several weeks, and had an especially rough time early last week. While I’m certainly concerned about her, it’s not pressing on me. Maybe it’s because she can tell me how she’s feeling. I imagine, with Lilly (the basset hound), it’s more like if I had a loved one in another city who I knew was sick or injured. I think that would weigh on my mind more than if I was actually there with them.
This post started to be about how I tend to drop out and off the face of the earth when things go wrong. It turned into something else entirely. What can I say?
Cracked Head Blog 
That . . . and maybe you look at your dog the way I look at my doberman, Karma. In that parental – I am responsible for this life form sort of way.
I purchased Karma, by the way, when I was still using because I no longer felt that I cared enough for my own life to take care of it – and I wanted something to need and depend on me.
Now I spoil her like crazy trying to make up for the ‘bad mother’ I was when she was a puppy.
Oh – and nice title ;-)
adlawrence – The big dog certainly means a lot to me. She’s been sickly much of her life and taking care of her over the last eight years probably kept me sane(r), much like Karma helped you.
I love dogs, especially my three!
BTW, Sally has eaten, so the crisis is over.
Glad to hear she’s feeling better. I battle with knowing that the worry helps no one and nothing, and probably makes me less effective in the situation. I think it gets worse for me as I get older because I see more, all the time, how things don’t always turn out for the best.
lydiacharlotte – Thanks for stopping by. I think I’m a little better in an actual crisis than in the “waiting and seeing” mode. BTW, you certainly must be doing something right. Drunks don’t just accidentally stay sober for as long as you have. I like the secret to becoming an oldtimer. I hadn’t heard that in a while.
So glad to hear your bassett is ok again. As for that feeling you had (not worry/concern) it was probably just a variant of love.
“Fear is the opposite of love. Anger, guilt and judgement are all based in fear and they are not loving. Unconditional love is the absence of fear.”
And unconditional love is what our pets feel for us, and we most often feel for them.
Unfortunately for you and I, I’m pretty sure we feel too much of the anger, guilt and judgement towards ourselves. That’s why pets are so essential to our health, healing and well being.
Keep fighting the good fight.
Thanks Arkay. You too.