low to no energy

I continue to deal with an almost overwhelming sense of fatigue. This in spite of the fact that I’m getting some type of sleep to the tune of at least eight hours every night (and usually closer to 10) and most days take at least two one hour plus naps. I’ve noticed myself doing things that people do when they’re spent. Not bending my legs when trying to pick up something, but rather keeping my legs stiff and using my back. Reaching in all sorts of non-ergonomic ways. I went to grocery store with Mom and plodded along a zombie. I don’t know if everyone can tell but I sure feel conspicuous. Wooden, like someone who hasn’t had sex in a longtime, only stiffer and less alive than even that. God damn.


4 Responses to “low to no energy”

  1. 1 beartwinsmom June 29, 2008 at 8:46 pm

    ((((Hugs)))) Have you been able to get any of your daily walks in? How about the guitar?

    Is it your meds that’s screwing you up again? I know you just added back the Wellbutrin. Are you scheduled w/ an appointment with the pdoc?

  2. 2 bottlecappie June 29, 2008 at 10:03 pm

    Just to be nosy – do you feel better, or worse now that you’re on the bipolar meds? I’ ve been looking at some older posts, but it’s hard to tell.

    Before, you had energy but you were agitated and insomniac. Now you’re lifeless and wooden…

    Seems like the p-docs should be able to do better than that.

    I admire your strength in keeping on. I know you don’t feel like you’re doing much, but sometimes just surviving it is all anyone can ask.

    I have some other stuff to share with you, but I think I’ll take it back to my blog instead of writing a fucking book in your comment section. I’ll let you know when I get it up. Har-de-har.

    Stay strong.

  3. 3 misterbooks June 29, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    Keep on trucking….as best as possible, or I swear I’m gonna send my rugrats down there to chase Uncle Greybeard around.

  4. 4 Greybeard June 30, 2008 at 7:53 am

    beartwinsmom — Not getting many walks in. We’ve been having ridiculous amounts of rain. (It’s typical for this time and place.) Most days I spend at least a couple of hours practicing the guitar. I’ll see the doc either on the 15th or 16th. I don’t know about the meds. I have all the symptoms of my depressive episodes, save the actual depressed mood. I tend to think the meds are somehow masking my moods but are ineffective at relieving any of the other symptoms.

    bottlecappie — I don’t think I feel as well as during the mini-manic episode. Unfortunately that’s way to hard to try and control. I’d be getting myself into some shit I couldn’t get out of by myself if I stayed up. I would think the doc could do better too. I’m remiss to bring her in in any sort of circumstances other than urgent. I don’t want to be playing Russian Roulette with the meds but rather want to give them the indicated time to do what they do. I am disappointed in the Seroquel. I was hoping to sleep better rather than more. At the very least I’d like to cut back on that shit after next visit. Maybe a smaller dose would help reign in the Welbutrin, which seems to be the trigger for the hypo-mania. Additionally that crap is prohibitively expensive. Doesn’t cost me but $30, but I’m sure the insurance company doesn’t like having to eat the additional $900 every month. If they’ll cancel me maybe I can sue the shit out of them(in federal court). One can dream.

    books — Thanks for the threat ;^/

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