is it the pain?

Last night I went on a very short-slow walk. It went alright. Didn’t have to stop but couldn’t have gone faster or further had I wanted to (and I did want to). I took my Seroquel an hour and a half or so before lying down. I was wide awake an hour and a half later. Looked at the clock several times during the night.

I felt faint this morning after putting on my shoes and going upstairs to the studio. I didn’t move anything up there. I barely moved anything here in the house proper. My leg just started hurting and in no time I was light-headed. When I came down to get Mom to relinquish a pain pill I had trouble talking and walking. This is exactly what happened with my back back in ’01. I tend not to think of the pain as being that severe because it’s not the searing dental drill or compound fracture type of pain. It kind of sneaks up on me and by the time I realize it it’s too late. Could climbing the steps have triggered this? Additionally I seem to be more aware that something wrong when I first get up. Could laying down be doing something to a nerve? Could the Seroquel be interacting with old injuries to thwart me?

I have no idea. I’m going to push it, minimally, this morning and see if I can work through it. If I begin getting dizzy, light-headed or whatever, I’ll make my way to the nearest recliner. It’s odd, this place I’m in, because for the last 15 years or so I’ve truly enjoyed not having a damn thing to do. It’s different, however, when you can’t do a damn even if you want to.

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