crash helmet. under bed. fetal position.

This has been a strange day. I’ve already mentioned the PVC pipe that almost landed me in the hospital or morgue. The trend is ongoing.

I almost got nailed pulling from my driveway. I looked both ways but I guess the asshole I almost collided with had watched Nascar over the weekend and doing 50 mph down a residential service road made sense to him somehow. Missed me though. Dodged another bullet.

I set out for the pharmacy and Wal-Mart. Things went alright at the drug store. Not so much at Wal-Mart. I absolutely despise Wal-Mart. I go there because I can kill many birds with one stone. I hate shopping period so it ends up being the barely lesser of two evils.

I’ve been wanting to get some headphones, ear buds, or whatever the hell they’re called now. So I picked an inexpensive pair that had decent specs for the price and made my way to the pet section. Recently I somehow managed to loose Roscoe’s brand new pack of rawhide bones after I’d given him the first one. Was going to replace them today. No Roscoe bones.

Headed over to the tea isle. Got some sleepy time then the decaffeinated Early Grey caught my attention. Didn’t really want the decaf so I picked up a caffeinated version. (I’ve been wanting to try Earl Grey because Captain Picard and Patient Anonymous both like it.) So I got my tea and picked up some mini-ice cream sandwiches as a reward for losing all the weight. (Yea, it made sense at the time.) Got some fruit and headed for the checkout.

Well I knew something was wrong when the total was sixty something bucks. So I checked my ticket and realized they’d charged me $39 bucks for headphones marked $9.99. So I have to go to fucking hell which is customer service (a misnomer if ever there was one) and see that the fuck was up. To make a long story short I got a refund on the headphones. They were marked wrong but I didn’t feel like arguing with those idiots. My ice cream sandwiches were melting.

So I get home and realize I’ve misplaced the receipt. Now I’m really pissed. After retracing my steps I find it tucked in a cubby hole only an American made car could have. After all that shit I thought a spot of tea might be nice. Only the tea I’ve come home with isn’t Earl Grey, but rather some shit called Bigelows.

And it’s not even dark yet.

(thanks to PA for the image.)

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9 Responses to “crash helmet. under bed. fetal position.”


  1. 1 misterbooks May 6, 2008 at 4:54 pm

    At your expense, you have provided laughter to me and my wife. 1st the title itself, fncking too much. The the tale to be told. Good stuff, so freaking funny
    I was laughing outloud. Thanks for your adventure.
    Peace,
    PS, Earl Grey is great, try Twinnings. I don’t care for Bigelow myself, the teas seem to be too strong in taste.

  2. 2 Arkay May 6, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    I can only empathize and suggest you hold off on buying a lottery ticket for a while. The ‘low prices’ at walmart have far to great a cost to offset to attract me anymore. Hope you have run the gauntlet for this week.

  3. 3 beartwinsmom May 6, 2008 at 6:00 pm

    how about some bubble wrap to wrap yourself in when you go out next time? (wink)

    Hope tomorrow will be better than today! That’s way too many close calls for one person.

  4. 4 angryballerina May 6, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    I would SUGGEST listening to some opera while drinking your Earl Gray, and eating a couple of those mini ice cream sammiches.

    You should take my suggestions. I’m fukin brilliant.

  5. 5 patientanonymous May 6, 2008 at 8:44 pm

    misterbooks is spot on. Get Twinings my love. It’s my favourite. Too bad I can’t make your comment section “pretty” with little images but here you go.

  6. 6 Greybeard May 6, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    Just having you drop by brightens the place up PA. I posted your picture into the body of the post. And whatever that bullshit tea I bought was was pretty damn good. I can’t wait to try the real thing.

    angry – I can deal with some Itzhak Perlman but opera is too much of a stretch for a redneck (old) boy like me. How you been?

  7. 7 angryballerina May 7, 2008 at 6:00 am

    Haven’t killed myself or anyone else for that matter, so good I guess?

  8. 8 GentlePath May 7, 2008 at 11:26 am

    roflolsc!

    And I’m so glad you didn’t end up in the morgue!

  9. 9 patientanonymous May 7, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    Awww…thanks, dahling. And that’s cool you put the pic up. Always happy to help out.

    By the way, I just tried to be funny and put a pic up on my latest post. *laughing*

    I think it’s funny anyway but I’m well beyond twisted.


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