thinking out loud

With the colonoscopy mercifully a non-memory the time has come to look to the future. At least that’s what I told myself pre-test. Maybe I could postpone this look. After all, I’ve got six sessions of physical therapy left. Who knows how that’s going to turn out? It’s certainly going to be a factor in any medium and long range goals I might set. Additionally, I need new glasses. I need to get a second opinion on my two front teeth. Hell, Dollar needs to go to the vet and get a booster shot and be re-checked for worms. I’ve got a full plate as it is.

What about school? Is school a realistic option for me? Blogger buddy Bottlecappie and her friend Angst&Joy are about to go back after relatively short breaks when compared with my 15-year hiatus. They’re both much younger than me though. On the flip side, they both have exponentially more responsibility than me. (SOs, children, jobs – little things like that.) On the other-other-hand, neither of them seem as capricious as me. Unstable is probably a better word, but capricious sounds chicer.

What am I going to do? My back almost certainly will never make it possible to do any sort of restaurant work again. (My legs either, but it’d never get that far.) Could I stand around at Circuit City or Best Buy listening to Rap and waiting to sell some imbecile something? Probably not more than five or 10 minutes. Telemarketing is out. I’d rather die. Wal-Mart is out. I’d much prefer to regularly undergo anal violation to being a shivering denizen in that kingdom.  Is there anything I can do?

I seem to be able to write. In On Writing Stephen Kings says 20% can’t write, 60 % are adequate at writing, and 20 % are good at it. (I think that’s right.) I believe I’m in the top 20 percentile. (Recently I ran across a couple of bloggers who may very well fit into that elite “gifted” category. Check out Louisey and Bomarzo.) I also believe writers of my skill level are a dime a dozen at best. Maybe I could go the fiction route? God knows I’ve got the experiences and the imagination. But would I actually go through with it? If I did, would I ever be able to find an agent? If I did actually manage to get published, would anybody buy my book? John Steinbeck said playing the ponies provides more security than writing books. Hmmm.

Maybe a Mash re-run is on.


4 Responses to “thinking out loud”

  1. 1 angryballerina April 2, 2008 at 9:15 am

    I think at this point in you’re life you should do what you want to do, obviously, so, if you wanna write, and you DO have the talent my friend, fucking do it. What can it hurt?

  2. 2 misterbooks April 2, 2008 at 10:56 am

    God dammit I know we are related! I’ve been bitten by the writing bug, again, also. It’s part of my cycle. And King’s On Writing is the, THE best book out there on the subject, very encouraging and not a waste of time, like so many others, which I’ve had the fortune of wasting my time with. You have super writing talent, and a wit to out match many. Go for it, I might, I’ll have your back.

  3. 3 Arkay April 2, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    Hey, some kind of re-education (i use the term lifelong learning) could be just the thing for you. Check out you local schools/community centers,universities for ongoning education (they usually have a high tolerance for mature students and often offer courses one at a time). The last time I took formal education was 16 years ago, but I am seriously thinking of going back. Might sort of just give me a fresh start in the marketplace as well.

    Would love to see how the writing thing works out for you as well. You do have a wicked sense of humour, and certainly have a lot to write about on so many things.

    Good luck.

  4. 4 bottlecappie April 2, 2008 at 7:47 pm

    Regarding school – I say you should go for it. I agonized over going back to school for so long, and even now that I’m back in it’s still taking forever for me to finish, but that time’s gonna pass anyway, right?

    Community College is built for “non-traditional” students like us. The school and faculty is, at least in my experience at 2 different schools so far, very accomodating of the various life-bullshit-baggage & responsibilities of us old fogeys. (I’ve heard us called “back-to-schoolers” by the youngins, and apparently they hate us because we raise the bar as far as quality of the coursework, ha ha).

    Plus, it is truly a beautiful thing to sit there in class with a bunch of 18-year-olds, watching them try to formulate and articulate a thought, just knowing that you are not that age and never will have to be that age again.

    As far as writing – there are lots of opportunities around that at school too. I was the copy editor and a reporter for my school’s newspaper for a year. This was a paid job, and the paper won a journalism award while I was there. It was really fun and a great confidence builder for me. I was also offered the position of editor of the school’s literary magazine, but that happened right before my life exploded and I turned down the job.

    You probably would qualify for grants based on need – Pell and Federal workstudy, or even Federal worker retraining.

    Since this is turning into a book, I’ll just say, going back to school is a great way to postpone getting a real life for a while longer, and you may even end up with greater employability when it’s over! /snark. – email me if you want more info or to talk more about this.

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