Somehow I managed to run myself in the ground by 10:30 yesterday morning. The verdict is out on why it happened but here’s what.

I got up about 6. About 2:30 I’d emerged from some halfway decent sleep, but then couldn’t drift back off. So I sat up from 3:00 until 3:30 and that seemed to reset me and I went back to bed. I got rest, but maybe not enough of the right kind.

So I went with Mom to Wal-Mart. It wasn’t too bad inasmuch as we didn’t need much this week and I felt good. I did have to meet a couple of her co-workers, but when I’m okay being on, at least for a little while, isn’t much of an issue.

Came home and almost immediately set out on a long walk. I intentionally stretched this one. About 40 to 45 minutes in I noticed I wasn’t getting my second wind. In fact I was downright pooped! I kept up the pace though and dragged on in after 56 minutes at a fairly brisk pace.

I never recovered. I’m not exactly sure how to describe the feeling other than being extremely fatigued. Not the exhaustion that typifies my depression. That comes on slowly over weeks and even months. Just worn completely out physically and mentally.

Took a fairly fitful nap for about an hour and twenty minutes. Got up and things weren’t much better the rest of the day. I was just worn out. Went to bed about 7! Slept until 2, got up and watched a little tv for half-an-hour, and went back down until 5:30. The sleep quality wasn’t great. Lots of silly, fitful dreams. But it was sleep or at least rest.

It’s not much better this morning. Now that may very well be because I stayed in bed too long. Still, I feel pretty tired and definitely lazy.

The only thing, other than adding about 10 minutes to my walk, that I did differently yesterday was breakfast. I usually have a smallish bowl of Cheerios with half a banana and some raisins thrown in  for good measure. But yesterday I had pancakes with syrup and peanut butter. Since the crash was so sudden and drastic, I’m wondering if it might not be related to blood sugar somehow? I guess I won’t know until I have something sweet for breakfast again. (I may need to shoot back over to Arkay’s and re-read some of his nutrition tips.)

The only other thing I can think of is that perhaps it’s related to the Zoloft. Yesterday was a 100 mg day. I’m not sure what the dosage was the last time I went for an early walk. Unfortunately I’m not sure what I had for breakfast that day either.

Anyway, I’ll try and push through today. Yesterday, though, if I’d have had something that could in anyway be construed as demanding to do, I’d have been in trouble.


4 Responses to “crash?”

  1. 1 adlawrence March 16, 2008 at 2:10 pm

    I know how hard it can be to get out of a depressed, overrun, exhausted mood. It seems no matter how much we tell ourselves to be positive, to look at the ‘bright side’ it is never so simple. But what if it came from the outside? What if someone was able to break the negative cycle for you?

    I give you permission to have a great day for no reason. Permission to slip up and get some good food, read some good blogs – to sigh & kick back. I think sometimes we need a break from gym-exercise-be healthy-eat right-be happy and on point mode some many of us get caught up in (especially in recovery).

    relax. Take this as a mental and physical recovery day – or two if you need it. In the big picture – if there is such a thing – it is the long run that counts. If you need a day or two to ‘regroup’ so that you can function better the rest of the week then do so.

    -fan of the cracked head blog,

  2. 2 misterbooks March 17, 2008 at 9:40 am

    Hullo my friend! You know, since I’ve taken started Zoloft, and mind you, I’m up to 200mg, I have been more sleepy as of late. Of course, it be some of my other meds for blood pressure, one on which I am now just cutting back, under docs orders, due to my fatigue.
    Keep up the physical activity, which is something I’ll be doing this week also. Walking. You’ve inspired me….thank you!

  3. 3 angryballerina March 17, 2008 at 10:30 am

    I was going to say, the increase in sugar in your morning meal could have something to do with the energy crash…Going to reiterate what misterbooks said, keep on with the P.E and doing what you are doing, it’s all trial and error.

  4. 4 Prester John March 18, 2008 at 5:38 am

    I think I thought I was a lot further along in my recovery (from depression) than I actually am. While I’m feeling much better, my energy and concentration levels are still inconsistent.

    I’m backing off, just a little, per A’s suggestion. Sadly, I’m not really doing much of anything anyway, but “I am what I am and that’s all I am”, so to speak.

    And I’m definitely keeping up the exercise. I did 35 minutes on Sunday and 45 yesterday. (I thought I went further or at least longer yesterday since I took a different route. I guess the world really is round though, or either I’m faster than I thought.) I’m down 30 pounds from my heaviest and over 20 since I started this about this time last year. I feel better and feel like I look much better. Shallow creature that I am, the latter is probably as least as important to me as the former. Damn.

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If you're interested in reading a fairly detailed account of addiction and depression, Cracked Head Memoirs might be for you. It basically tells how it was and what happened. Writing it helped me go from active addiction to recovery yet again.

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